Faith Is Free

I couldn't of imagined that there would come a day when I had something to say about faith.  I spent eight years writing a book entitled The Privileged about pedophiles in the Catholic Church and I grew up with my sister, Rev. Marianne Edgar-Budde, who is now the diocesan bishop at the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C.  I grew up watching her read the Bible and going to church in her middle and high school days.  I also grew up watching her wanting to put a knife in her stomach due to our father's alcoholism but she didn't talk about that stuff during her interview with the church now broadcast on YouTube.  I can't have faith in anyone who lies to me, especially my own sister during her interviews with the church when she said she was raised by a single mom and didn't have a brother.  If she despises me so much why does she try to follow me on Twitter or like me on Facebook?  Then there's #JoelOsteen who seems nice but who is not someone I'd want to hang out with when the laughter stops. Now that Joel and Victoria are receiving support from Donald Trump and Oprah Winfrey, the Empire has begun.  The commonality between the both of them is their promises utilizing "if-only" statements.  Joel says, "if only I stay in faith" which I take it to mean "If only I keep paying you money, then God will continue to believe in me."  All of this is ridiculous when you think about it because faith is free but their lawsuits cost money.  As I sift though all of this, I find myself not in the position of some atheist or hate crusader for a particular religion or faith but as a seeker of truth.  If you, for instance, rely on Joel or my sister to tell you what God likes or doesn't like about you, then I have to ask you, "Why didn't you read the Bible for yourself?" The Bible is actually quite interesting and like other novels, it is meant for your own personal enjoyment.  It's like going to the movies and then sharing with your friends whether or not the movie was any good.  Some like it and some don't.  It's the way it goes. Some would watch it twice even and some will never see it again.  It's the way it goes. But it shouldn't cost you a penny to express whether or not God is right for you, and it should never cost you a penny to express to your friends if you believe in faith or you don't.  It's a personal decision that should never be in the hands of another.  This is strange to me because it feels like I have just been given a ministry, perhaps I should refer to it as a mission to bring others to their own decision about what faith is and what it isn't. As I embark on this journey not having a clue what will happen, I will begin by telling you that Faith is Free.

Who are you?

A recent survey asked both men and women in the forties if you had to describe who you are in one word what word would that be?  Some said power while others said prestige and excellence.  Not one person who took the survey tried to embrace all of their roles in life inside one word, and all seemed to describe just the one word that stood out for them the most.  In the end, those who wrote the survey wondered why descriptive words such as love, caring, and faith were not addressed.  A brief discussion then followed about what life would be like without love and faith.  They also believed that if the survey takers were more loving and faithful others emotions such as stress and worry would decrease significantly.  I thought it was pretty cool I was most passionate for forensic work but I totally neglected my roles as husband and father and by doing so I realized how unbalanced life had become.  Who are you?

Hey, Siri. Teach My Kid To Ride A Bike.

Our family has had a small dilemma for the last six years, that being my youngest son who hasn't wanted to learn to ride a bike.  Now, he's nine years-old.  For one reason or another he just didn't want to learn citing that "I'm a gamer not a biker. " So, the school year began and suddenly his friends are riding their bikes and he doesn't want to be left out.  Feeling his pain, we went to Target and bought a safe beginner's bike.  Naturally, with three hours left of the long weekend, my wife asks me if I'd taken our son to teach him to ride.  I admit I became somewhat irritable and said, "This is not like vacuuming carpet every Sunday, Dear. This would be a fantastic challenge that requires much planning." And I was right.  In a little less than five minutes I got my son into gear and we headed off to the wild practicing on trails behind our house.  I said to him, "Just pedal and the rest will come naturally, son."  He listened and pedaled right into the creek.  My son had a bloody nose, bloody lip, and blood-stained shirt screaming so miles of neighborhood could hear him, including I'm sure the Department of Social Services. "This is not working for me," my son said. I needed to ask one very import question.  Does my son need me to learn to ride a bike or could Siri do it? What I was really telling myself is his mother should probably take the wheel on this one so my kid doesn't require Flight For Life.  No go.  I won the gig according to my wife and my son would be learning how to ride a bike from his father.  Ok, fine, but I was thinking me and my son could start this journey at the worst point in the creek and work from there.  Know what I mean? As long as we were in hell at the core of the earth he wouldn't have to worry about falling. That's where will start next time unless Siri has a better idea.

Marriage In Vegas

If you're going to the chapel anytime soon then you may want to take the advice of a former client who shared with me that getting married and having children in today's world is not what it's cracked up to be.  She shared this with me just after her third divorce was finalized.  "It's not that I want to spend the rest of my life feeling lonely but love just fizzles after a year and the commitment is gone.  You could say the same about employers and even college these days.  The divorce rate for a first divorce is well-over 50%.  If you knew that you'd only win 50% back of your money in Vegas would you play?  Not likely.  More importantly, the divorce rate for second marriages is 60-65%.  Again, would you play on those odds in Vegas?  And what if you knew the divorce rate for third marriages is close to 80%?  If I knew I'd win twice out of ten plays in Vegas I would eventually lose everything and that's her point.  To illustrate this point, I close with the example of my sister-in-law sharing with me and my wife about how wonderful her marriage will be because they were getting married at the Air Force Academy Chapel, a very awesome place to get married.  After some years, they became millionaires and no longer had time for children.  My question to them was, "Why did you get married?  You can be a childless couple and not get married?"  Sadly, they divorced for the sole reason that one wanted children and the other did not.  I think they knew this but didn't get honest about it.  Instead, they played Vegas odds and are now in search of a love that ends in 60-65% divorce instead of 50% which is where everyone stands when they go to the chapel for the first time.  

College Radio

Thirty years ago I took broadcasting classes at the community college for basically a lack of anything better to do after High School.  I had big plans to become a professional musician but those plans fell through for reasons I'd mostly resolved with my therapists over the years.  But recently, an event triggered me to revisit those times, in particular, a situation that brought perspective to me when yet again nothing made sense to me in this ever-changing world.  The event occurred when I took to the airwaves for the fifth or sixth time while in the studio with another student.  We'd had a tour of a "real" radio station with highly advanced equipment just before we went On The Air, so when we returned to the college radio station we realized just how badly we wanted to do well in school and get a real job at a real radio station.  When I turned on the microphones for the both of us, we got to dialoguing about our recent journey, which turned into a comparison of college radio versus professional radio.  At first, we slammed college radio for having the worst equipment but it didn't take long for us to realize that even though the equipment was different at both radio stations, they both played good music.  Haven't you ever felt like you wouldn't be able to put out your best performance because you didn't have the best technology?  With all the changes we experience on a daily basis when it comes to technological advances, it would be easy to say we can't give our best because we don't have version 6.0 versus version 5.0.  Me and my friend came to the conclusion after our ranting that day that the college radio station was still way cool and came up with a new motto, one the program director wasn't too fond of, that "We were KEPC where we play the best music on the worst equipment."  You can do this as well.  You may not have all the best technology at your fingertips, but you can still give your best with what you do have.

The Doors

To illustrate my point of how to rid yourself of distraction, either when writing or even regarding something like personal relationships, imagine that you own an age-old castle isolated somewhere in Ireland tucked away in the rolling hills far from anyone having the slightest chance of finding you. Awesome, but one problem.  A couple finds you.  They are tourists who want to come in and see your castle.  I should mention here that this castle represents your brain and so what they want to see is the inside of your mind and learn things about you that you had no intention of sharing. But you're curious and you want to find out more about the tourists so you lower Door #1, the drawbridge, and invite them in for a chat.  You were in the middle of writing a masterpiece but now you are occupied with your guests and have to put the single most important thing in your life on hold.  Your imagination.  That's only the beginning. Lowering Door #1 and inviting them into your life seems harmless. After all, it's good to meet people, but for this couple, it's not enough.  They want to see more of your castle and even take pictures.  You don't want to be rude so you invite them up the baroque staircase behind Door #2 and give them further access to the castle allowing them to view things that only a good friend, parent, or favorite aunt should see. Now they're getting to know you intimately and it's only day one.  Not so good. Would you seriously tell a stranger your secrets on the first date?  Right.  So, now seems like the right time to say, "Thanks for dropping by" and escort them back to Door #1. But you're nice.  You're nice to strangers, you're nice to friends, and even to your characters.  Instead of having your own private space that you can call on anytime you need, you allow everyone to get by Door #3.  I must inform you that getting by this Door is sacred territory. For example, I've been with my wife a good many years and there's only a few times I can count where I've been able to knock on Door #3. This Door is to be protected at all costs, which in my case I won't have access to until one of us is near death.  I've learned by her example that with the stories I write I shouldn't allow others to know everything about every character I develop or even personal nuggets about me.  So, like The Home Shopping Network, here's the part where I tell you this is good stuff and it works, especially on those days when you feel like life is getting the best of you. It's then when I'd encourage you to open your mind, take a breath or two, and realize you may have let too many people by The Doors.

Free

I'd been reading about authors on Twitter who were so happy that they didn't have to do battle with agents and publishers and who were much happier living life as an author on their own terms.  Many of the arguments were solid and I could completely understand them based on some of their experiences, especially why they elected to move on (away) from traditional publishing.  But after spending eight years writing a damn good book and promoting it for a year with some solid writer friends on Twitter, I decided to pull the plug on my own work.  It's nothing against anyone nor am I trying to put out to the universe that I'm better than everyone else. Instead, it's more like a message to myself that I'm free of the indie and traditional publishing worlds for awhile and free to write without distraction anything that fascinates my head while remaining free from judgment, at least until I'm through writing the next book.  If' you're reading this and have never opened your mind to indie publishing, you should.  Like I said, there are some incredible people who did all they could to promote my work and for that I will be always be grateful.  As for now, I have returned to the lab.  My best to you, JW